Love

Love its a tricky lil fucker, I have been loved and I have loved.  For most of my life I have tried to figure out what love really is.....growing up as a child my parents didn't really set an example of what true love really was.  They were married for almost 30 years and then split a few times and now its permanent.  My father wasn't exactly a role model for youth, although he worked hard and provided for his family he wasn't what I would call a father figure.  He is what I would call a "Dad" now I wouldn't want to change anything about my child hood for one second but I have learned what kind of "Father" I want to be.  It seemed as if my Dad was harder on me then any other person I know, and I am OK with that.  I think he made me the man that I am today and I have learned from his mistakes.  He now has a GF younger than both of his original children and I now have a half brother whom is only a few months older than my niece.  Odd I know.  My Mother on the other hand was amazing when I was a child and now has grown to be very immature and depends on her children to get her though life.  Although I would do anything for my Mother I cant trust her.  It makes life really difficult for a young man 28 years old but still trying to figure out what his family actually means to him.  I would say my role models in life are my friends rather than my actually family.  I have some of the greatest buddies you could ever ask for.  For some one who doesn't actually know what he believes regarding religion I do know there have been people placed in my life for apparent reasons. 

My sister and I growing up fought a lot although we still got along.  We were both given everything we ever asked for no matter how broke it made our parents.  I think this is where we learned that there are "wants" and then there are "needs" but yet both of our parents haven't quite figured that out yet.  My sister and I are now closer than ever but she is the one person that can frustrate me at the drop of a dime.  She knows exactly what to say and when to say it. 

Now where I am going with all of this is LOVE.  I thought I found the woman i was supposed to marry around 5 years ago but then I was proven wrong and things didn't work out for us.  Then I was in another long term relationship with a very good girl but I don't deal with drama and stress very well and she surrounds herself in it so that didn't work out.  So now I found myself dating another good girl.  She is different though.  She is young and a single mother, I don't know much about her past and don't know anyone in her past and that is different for me.  Most of the girls I dated I have grown up with or knew from someone and knew everything about them prior to dating them.  This girl though, she is a mystery and I find myself trying to figure her out, but almost too much.  I think I know what I need to do its just hard to do it.  I need to just forget about her past and keep my sights on our future if I want this to work.  Although she is young she is mature.  She doesn't have a clue of what she wants to do with her life but neither did I when I was 21.  We are also trying our relationship from 7320 miles apart.  I work and live in Kuwait as a contractor, and she is back in Fort Worth.  This makes it very interesting to say the least.  Everyday provides another obstacle for us to overcome.  We keep jumping and clearing but they keep getting higher and higher, I am not sure how much longer we can clear them.  I still have 12 months left here and the way it looks now I will have to find another girl when I get home, or at my next destination.